Tag Archives: trust

I am me

I was not prepared.
when he raised his voice to silence mine
I was not prepared
when he wanted to own and strip me of my being, but not walk with me
I was not prepared
when he fantasied me in his world but changed his path before the bend ahead and walked into her world
I was not prepared
when he showed up naked, but wanted me to be nude
I was not prepared
when I was told I am safe here but then he touched as if he just could
I was not prepared
when he unknowingly sucked out my spark, simply wishing I would somewhere ignite his art
I was not prepared
when my beliefs crumbled, but I showed strength to keep his identity safe.

He asks me why…
why I don’t have faith
why I don’t have trust
why I don’t respect him
why I don’t tell my story
why I don’t cry as such
why I don’t laugh as much
why I don’t meet him that much
why I am alone

I tell him, I am who I am
I am prepared now
I am prepared to walk alone
I am prepared to trust my own
I am prepared to smile and laugh
I am prepared to invite that little tear which is now a dew drop
I am prepared now, which is why I am not who you think I am.

I am me. Now free.

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In Quest of

And he said I have issues.

What went wrong?
How can it be corrected?
What did I not do?
Did I misinterpret?
Did you misunderstand?
Where should have we stopped?
Are you true to your core?
What is your core?
Do I see it?
Do I even know you now?
Do you remember at all?
What are my values?
What are yours?
Do we need those?

I stayed by the values, but not for long. You helped me undo from those retricting cords. I glorified in the moments. Set myself free. Expressed myself openly.

Then it happened. I discarded and gave myself. Faced rejection in my face. Looks at me in the eye. He says he loves her. I say I understand. Why did I say that? What do I understand? What should I understand?

I am dealing with it.
Hiding from it. Hiding from all those who probe, and want to see it, be a part of it.
Seeing eyes, where there are none.
Hoping for hopes sake where there seems none.

Where do you find it? Does it even exist in reality? Was that a blessing in disguise? Why do you feel pain; because there is expectation? And how do you give a part of yourself away, but stay grounded? Where do you cling on to? What are your roots? Does all this end up in what should be and shouldn’t be?

What bout purity of thought? Being nude in own eyes, I find I still love myself. I still want all this. I may pursue finding the truth again. Someday hurt will tire out and leave my side. I will see you there, at that next junction. Only to see one path ahead and no more choices!

Yes I have issues, with Trust. Because I have no answers to my own questions. I am back here in my shell. On track as before as if nothing happened. Safe and protected until I find myself.