There are some words, just thrown out in the universe for anyone to pick. You are probably the only witness to the exact minute they are out and they coincide with what you had been struggling to come to terms in all those hours that went by. Those words punch into your solar plexus, leaving you gasping for breath. You want more air, more strength to withstand the impact, while you shiver with anticipation needing an end to the misery, if at all there is a cure. A feeble thought comes to your mind, they were meant for you and just you, always you. That feeling surpasses everything that held your composure, its so strong that for a minute you are ready to throw all caution to the wind, only just to own the words.
Except that time helps you pass through this feeling while your mind wins the battle with your heart with the first light of dawn. They are after all just words, it says.
And he said I have issues.
What went wrong?
How can it be corrected?
What did I not do?
Did I misinterpret?
Did you misunderstand?
Where should have we stopped?
Are you true to your core?
What is your core?
Do I see it?
Do I even know you now?
Do you remember at all?
What are my values?
What are yours?
Do we need those?
I stayed by the values, but not for long. You helped me undo from those retricting cords. I glorified in the moments. Set myself free. Expressed myself openly.
Then it happened. I discarded and gave myself. Faced rejection in my face. Looks at me in the eye. He says he loves her. I say I understand. Why did I say that? What do I understand? What should I understand?
I am dealing with it.
Hiding from it. Hiding from all those who probe, and want to see it, be a part of it.
Seeing eyes, where there are none.
Hoping for hopes sake where there seems none.
Where do you find it? Does it even exist in reality? Was that a blessing in disguise? Why do you feel pain; because there is expectation? And how do you give a part of yourself away, but stay grounded? Where do you cling on to? What are your roots? Does all this end up in what should be and shouldn’t be?
What bout purity of thought? Being nude in own eyes, I find I still love myself. I still want all this. I may pursue finding the truth again. Someday hurt will tire out and leave my side. I will see you there, at that next junction. Only to see one path ahead and no more choices!
Yes I have issues, with Trust. Because I have no answers to my own questions. I am back here in my shell. On track as before as if nothing happened. Safe and protected until I find myself.